Karma is a Psycho B*tch

Is having standards, and setting boundaries off putting to men? In the past few years, I have become the person, I am to be for the rest of my life. I feel my past has pretty much shaped me, into the person I am happy with. That being said, I seem to come off as rude or too blunt, for most people. I honestly feel as though, I should not have to sugar coat anything for a grown-ass adult. I am very open, and honest when speaking to my 12 year old son as well. People who try to spare their children from hurt, I feel, are setting them up for failure. I digress; when I meet someone, whether in-person or online, I pretty much display my personality from the beginning. I do not believe in putting up pretenses, just to go on a date with someone. If that relationship works out, you will have to keep those pretenses up until you divorce, or one of you dies; I just do not have that kind of time or energy. I have to let people know, even in friendships, how I am. Most people cannot handle me, in a relationship or a friendship. I say what I want; never meaning to be mean or insulting, but if I did not care, I would just be quiet.

A little about myself; I am very stubborn and proud, but know how to graciously humble myself. I am that one friend, that will say meet me at 1:00 PM, and be there by 12:30. I am a stickler for time; call me a time-nazi. I do not like wasting people’s time, and I do not want my time wasted. So I cyber met this guy, and we seemed to mesh well. We planned a date for Saturday, the Friday before. I told him I get off at 1; he told me he would get off by 4:30. Saturday rolls around, and I ask him around what time we were going to  meet up; “I am not sure.” Huh?? We are supposed to go out, but you don’t even have a ballpark time? Weird. I try not to make the most out of it, but I am screaming inside. Lol #timenazi. So we text each other throughout the day, and a few hours later, I asked him for a ballpark time. He calls me, and tells me he has to make a pitstop around 6:30, but would call me when he got to his destination. Okay, I can live with that; sort of. So, I hop in the shower, put on my makeup, style my hair, spend I don’t know how long searching for an outfit. I look at the time, and it is almost 8; I text him, “are we still hanging out?” He called me, and told me he had to go back to his job, but we could still hang out, or wait until tomorrow. I am in Durham, NC; everything shuts down early; there is nothing to do. He told me I sounded upset, and that he did not want me to be upset with him. I explained to him, how I felt about time, and the lack of consideration on the part of people who keep me waiting. He seemed to understand, and admitted that he was really bad with time. We spoke for a few more minutes, and he told me he would call me back in 20. 20 minutes comes and goes, and he never called back. I text him about 3 hours later, and sarcastically told him to “have a great evening!” Sunday comes in, and he doesn’t call or text either. So my question is, is setting boundaries/standards in the beginning a no-no to dating? It seems like it is. Personally, I do not feel like asking someone to be considerate of my time, should be a deal breaker. Personally, I feel that, that is something that should naturally come, when you are dealing with another human. Apparently I am abnormal for wanting people, to not have me waiting around for them. Apparently I am abnormal, because I believe in treating others as they treat me. Apparently I am abnormal, because I choose to speak on what is bothering me. I think many of these men have been disillusioned into thinking, that women are supposed to be calm and demure, with absolutely no issues; we are supposed to be without boundaries or standards, and just straight up desperate to have a man, any man. Where did this way of thinking come from? Men are really set to lose out on a good woman, because they are stuck in their own way. I can be flexible and compromising, but you have to be willing to do the same. Everything cannot be one-sided; where the women is flexible, and the man does not budge. If love is what you are truly looking for, you will not find it with that type of attitude.

I would never consider myself to be bitter, or man-hating; however, I speak in terms of MY reality. I have come across some really great men in my life, whom I have messed over. This was simply bad timing; I was not, and still really not ready for anything too serious. As I said, I have met some really great guys, but the past few years, I have met crazy after crazy. I have been told/read many times, that you attract what it is already in you; I do not believe this! I do not believe this, because when I was horrible person, and said/did mean and nasty things to people, I attracted the best men. Now that I am more in tune with myself; more positive person, I attract the worst type of men. The only thing I can think of, is karma. Karma coming back to bite me in my ass. But why karma? Why should my 34 year old self, pay for something my 26 year old self did? Why should I pay for hurting people, several years ago, right now in this moment? I do not feel as though I should suffer, for what past Akua/Courtney did. As I have wrote in my blog posts before, I do not feel the need to date in search for love; I am looking more for male companionship. However, the companionship that I seek, will not be a jerk towards me. Our energies, frequencies and souls will meet, and we will just bounce positive energy off of each other…


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