Frustrated

I am frustrated, beyond belief! Every time I think I am taking the right step forward, I am pulled back 5 steps. Why is this? I mean, I honestly just do not understand?! I feel like, I have a good heart; I do for people, way more than people do for me (in 98% of the cases). I took the pepper steps; I am educated, and have experience within my field. Yet, I am not able to find a suitable job. Am I destined to work at Starbucks, for the rest of my life? I have an MBA, and I am a Barista at Starbucks, because I can’t find a job. I am also limited by the fact, I live in North Carolina, and do not own a car. The biggest irony is, I will never be able to afford a car, because I work at Starbucks. It is said to say, that a company that makes as much money as Starbucks, they do not pay their employees liveable wages. I am no snob; I do not expect to get paid the same amount as my “real” job, but what I get paid, is barely enough to pay my rent.

The past few years, I have been so frustrated, within my chosen field. I tell myself, “this is only temporary;” but when does temporary end? I have been in this “temporary” position forever. I am so tired of struggling!!! When will the damn struggle be over??? As I sit here and type this, I am fighting back tears. Why is life so hard for me? I know people who only have high school diplomas, that are successful in their careers; why am I sitting here crying, because I can’t find a job? Why am I not able to find a job? The sadest part is, I moved to NC, because the cost of living was low, and I wanted to work less, and write more. Being that I cannot find a job in my field, I have to work more and harder, just to survive; I do not write as frequently, as I hoped. I have been down here for almost three months, without any real progress. When will I progress in life?? I try to remain positive, and think positive thoughts, but it’s hard when nothing you do seems to pay off. When will my time come?

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CARPE DIEM

*** I wrote this a couple of weeks ago, and forgot to publish. In actuality it is 5:12 AM, and I am in bed writing. Lol ***

Sitting here in Starbucks, writing…patiently waiting for the day when I will get paid to write professionally. I will think about my beginning, and humbly smile. When I am doing book tours, and signing autographs, I will look back and say; “it all started with a tablet and a dream!” When asked what my motivation was, I will say; “the dream was always there, just lying dormant underneath life. My greatest motivator was my passion to step outside the office, and behind a computer, and truly focus on what I love!” They will ask, “were you not afraid to take a leap? Were you not concerned with making money?” I will confidently answer; “I had faith in myself, and confidence that the universe would provide; it always does! The universe takes care of those, who take care of themselves! The universe provides, as long as you treat huemanity with love and respect!” They will look at me like I am crazy, and I will smile at them.

My only focus at this point is to pay bills, write and continue to pursue my dreams. I am not that young, but at 34, I am not old either. If 20 years pass by, and I am still not published; I will always be happy in the fact that I chose to continue, instead of giving up. I pursued my dream, and never gave up on myself. So many people are unhappy, because they gave up on their dreams. They reach a certain age, and realized their whole life has passed by; feel they are too old to old to pursue their dreams. I feel, as long as your heart is still pumping; there is blood in your veins, you are never too old to do what you love to do. If you are 60, and always wanted to go to college, go! If you have two children, and raising them alone, if you are really serious about pursuing your goals, you will find someone to watch them.There is aways someone in your corner, routing for you. Never give up on your dreams; giving up on your dreams, is giving up on yourself. Why go through life with shoulda, coulda and wouldas? Carpe diem; seize the day! GO OUT AND GET WHAT IS RIGHTFULLY YOURS!! DREAMS ARE MEANT TO BE PURSUED, YOU JUST HAVE TO BELIEVE IN YOURSELF! There will aways be someone that thinks you are crazy; “you have bills! How will your bills get paid? You are crazy for quitting your job? You need to be smacked with a dose of reality.” They all have a point, but trust me, those people are unhappy and probably gave up on their dreams a long time ago. I would never take advice from someone, who gave up on their dreams; themselves. If people are always complaining about their jobs, they are not doing what they were intended to do. People have lived their entire lives, and still have not realized their purpose in life. Everyone has a purpose, you just have to have the guts, the gumption, the balls to seek it out, and pursue it! Never let anyone tell you, you cannot o something. If you believe you can, you will! It is not about what others think or feel, but what you think or feel. At the end of the day, that person doubting you, will not/cannot possibly live your life for you; so why listen to them? Why participate in self-doubt; self-pity; poor self-image of yourself. Go out, and pursue your dreams. Life is about happiness; doing what makes you happy. People love to say, “you only live once;” this is false! In actuality, you live everyday, and die once. People also love to say, “Life is short;” wrong again. Life for most people, is very long; why spend your long life miserable and unhappy? Go for what you feel is rightfully yours; I know I am!